In loving memory of my grandmother

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My grandmother just passed away at age 88 this past Monday, May 13th at 4:45am in the morning. She is survived by her daughter, son-in-law, three granddaughters and five grandchildren.

It has been a while since I last posted, so long that I actually forgot my login password for a bit. On top of regular life (work, kids, chores), I have extremely busy with the 42-day challenge that I joined at Anytime Fitness (3 times a week workouts), working on my novel, and most recently, going to see my grandmother in Montreal.

If you believe in fate

As fate would have it, I had planned a trip to see my grandma on May 18th. I ended up cancelling my trip because my kids were very busy that weekend. Then I got a text message from my sister, letting me know that she got a call from my grandma’s nursing home. Apparently my grandma had a fever for a couple of weeks but was stable. The issue was the she stopped eating and she was unresponsive. I re-booked my trip, and took off by bus the next day.

Childhood

My grandmother raised us when we were children, while our parents went to work. Yet, I cannot say that we were very close (probably due to language problems (we spoke mainly English while she spoke Cantonese) and the conflict between our mother and grandma). She lived in a nursing home in Montreal for at least five years, so us grandchildren tried out best to visit her as often as we could.

Her last two days

It’s really hard to write this post without tears. I have been crying at random times this whole week since her passing. When I remember how truly lucky I am that I spent the last one and a half days of her life with her. On top of that the last day was Mother’s Day.

The first day, she was totally unresponsive. She could barely open her eyes. She could no longer speak and I had trouble to make her laugh using my ‘techniques’ that would have worked the last time I saw her.

On Mother’s Day, she opened her eyes and stayed awake and was super-aware the whole day. She even ate the full bowl of soup and peach fruit puree! She was able to follow a stuffed animal with her eyes, and she watched me the whole day.

After the nurses helped to change her clothes, I saw she wore a nice pink flowery shirt. I told her that she looked so beautiful and she smiled the biggest smile that you could ever imagine.

I told her that we all cared about her a lot, that she didn’t need to worry about us, and that she could ‘sleep’ if she was tired.

My novel

My grandma was the first person (other than myself) to hear my manuscript. I am about half-way through the manuscript. I told her I loved to write and hoped to finish my book this year. Even though she doesn’t really understand English, she listened and watched me the whole time. She showed no sign of tiredness at all. My novel is essentially a fictional story but based on her life. I believe in my heart that this was her bedtime story, because the next morning she left the earth.

My final thoughts

My grandma passed peacefully in her sleep. With her passing, I experienced a flood of emotions: sadness, happiness, regret and guilt to name a few. Sad that I will never see her physical person again in my life; happy that she was not in pain when she passed; regretful that I didn’t get to see her more often; and guilty that I didn’t really get a chance to know her.

In this thing called life…

  1. Grab life by the horns. Don’t let the moments pass by.
  2. If you want something – GO FOR IT!
  3. Treat every day like your last – live with no regrets.
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2 thoughts on “In loving memory of my grandmother

  1. I truly do have fond memories of her. She always left me the cake batter to lick out of the bowl. She taught me how to sew and spent a lot of time with me, picking patterns, choosing and cutting fabrics, so patient. I remember how she loved eating pumpkin seeds. We often spent time in the kitchen. We would press rice batter into moulds and steam them. I would help make wontons. I can still hear her laugh and see her smile. Yes, the language barrier did not help and maybe I should have learned more Chinese but I feel like I know about her what was important- that she loved us and cared for us and her role in our lives was invaluable.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Monica I am sorry for your lost, your memories are great  and expressed how you loved  your grandmother. From all the pictures, you have her look, times will help you through emotion and quite natural, you take care. Aunt Margaret

    Like

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